This very moment I am sitting outside a café in Paris. The moment is super cliché: me wearing a white dress, my coffee, a cigarette and my laptop.
Yesterday, I was at this very same café, at this very same terrace, with a glass of rosé waiting for him to come.
You may wonder who he is.
Well, he is the first guy I’ve ever dated after I broke up with my ex. I met him by the end of 2017 in Paris via Tinder. (I know, I know, the Tinder word will raise many questions to some of you but I shall cover that topic in another article). He is also Greek but most importantly he is the guy who brought me faith again.
So as many 21st century encounters go, we started texting, a lot. After a week of everyday messages, we decided to meet. It was a Sunday evening, I felt anxious, we met outside a metro station and went to a wine place. We drank a bottle and then a second one. We talked a lot, only this time in person. We told each other our stories, we laughed, we looked at each other in the eyes and when I least expected… he kissed me.
I kissed him back and we were in this cloud, at least I was. It was around midnight when we left the wine bar, outside it was cold and drizzling. We were close to the river so we went over Pont des Arts and kept on kissing. It was romantic and natural at the same time.
The following days we kept on talking, dating, drinking, laughing and I finally went to his place, and then again, and again. We watched movies, we hugged and we made love. I never invited him to my place because that was my safe zone and he respected that.
I went to Ecuador for the holidays and he went to Australia to see his brother. We had over 12 hours of time difference and yet we managed to keep in touch everyday. I counted the days to see him back again.
I landed first in Paris and some days later he did. We met the day of his arrival, I could not wait to see him, hug him, make love and just be with him. Our encounter was incredible! He was amazing. The days kept on going and I was scared of liking or feeling something for him. I was scared of getting hurt, scared that behind that great man there would be a huge asshole.
But he was not. He was nice, open and honest with me. He said everything he felt and I liked that and appreciated it so much. Since he was so honest, one day we met and he told me there were great chances for him to leave Paris. His work contract was going to finish in the next months and he felt there were little chances for him to stay. He had to start applying abroad and did not know in which country he could end up. I did not know what to say or feel, so I just sat and stared at the wall. I felt hurt and disappointed but I know it wasn’t his fault. At the end of the day, that is what happens often when you are an expat in Paris, you see people coming and people going. Only that this time for me, he was not just people.
We took a week to think about what to do next, we met again, a part of me wanted to take the risk to try something under these circumstances but a part of me had no extra energy after my breakup and I could not afford to suffer again in less than twelve months. He really understood what I’ve been through, so we decided option B. We cried that night, we hugged, we did not want to let each other go but we had to. The more we would remain together, the more it would hurt to say bye. We spent the night together and in the morning we kissed goodbye.
It was hard for me, so hard that from time to time I would text him just to tell him that I missed him. The contact became less frequent but we always kept in touch. This was the first time in my life that I did not discard a guy out of my life.
Some months later, he told me he got a job in another country in Europe. We met to spend a last night together and to say goodbye. For many months we did not text and in the meantime I dated here and there. Nothing successful, nothing as good as him.
Fast forward, almost one year later after our last encounter, he texted to say he was coming to Paris for a long weekend. I was in the south of France that weekend, so the only chance we got to meet was on a Sunday.
That Sunday afternoon we met at this terrace, from where I am currently writing. He was a bit late because he took the bus, I was waiting with my glass of rosé at the only table I found empty outside the café. Later, I saw him coming in front of the street. Immediately, something moved inside of me. Was it nostalgia, hormones or romanticism? Do not know, maybe a bit of them all. He approached, we hugged and took a sit next to me. And just as simple as over a year ago we started talking, catching up and more…
He had a hangover and drank one glass of wine, I was anxious so I had three. We made jokes, we had some moments with silence, we talked about life and then, just like during our first date, he kissed me out of the blue. We kissed again and again, I laid my head on his shoulder and we held our hands together. It felt nice to be with him again, it felt natural and easy.
We went back to my place and it happened again. I lived each minute of that time with him, it was again our moment and it had an expiration time. He left and I felt nostalgic. The next morning I woke up and felt I had a great dream, but what happened was actually reality.
After so many months of not seeing him, I felt lucky that I was able to see him again and realize that he brought me hope back in 2018.
Although, I know realize that besides being nostalgic we were not really meant to be. That distance is complicated and that we did not have enough time to build a foundation. As great as it was to see him, it was not the same as before. At least now I can fully close this chapter and move on. That’s what I’m feeling now and I’m happy like that.
This article is for all those women, whom like me, have lost hope of love and are still trying to understand what it is. We might not find love forever, sometimes the best moments with someone last a couple of minutes. The importance is to dare, to remind ourselves that there are great men – and great women – and that your previous experience should teach you to be aware but not closed. Do not look for love, because people find each other naturally and, if they are willing to, they will never let each go again. If they do, it is just that it is not meant to be. It doesn’t matter ’cause you still have you, and that is the best you can always get. <3