Yesterday, I was in a bus coming back from Warsaw to Poznan. I had come to Poland for a wedding and decided to stay a bit longer by myself. I had been to Poznan before, five years ago to be more precise, which is why this time I decided to visit its capital and get a broader image of this interesting eastern European country.
As I was coming back to Poznan last night, I had an amazing view from my double-decker. The sun was going down behind the cornfields and the summer sky went orange and pink at once. I couldn’t stop myself from sighing, then I took a picture and posted it as a story on Instagram. Right after posting it, I stumbled upon to an amazing quote that appeared on my feed:
“The sunset is proof that sometimes endings can be beautiful, too.”
I have always loved sunsets and full moons. I believed them to be simple, pure, energetic and even a bit nostalgic. What I mean is that the combination of beautiful landscapes and nature make me have deep thoughts about life. Although this time, I realized that my thoughts were no longer nostalgic or sad but rather empathetic.
If I would have seen that sunset five years ago, I would have thought of everything that I did not have in life. I would have self pitied myself, I would have let maybe one or two tears fall, I would have felt lonely, I would have felt lost. In other words, I would have felt like shit.
Indeed, just like you read it. I would have maybe been by myself in some areas like traveling – like mentioned in Traveling Solo – but I would have felt alone. I would have kept comparing my life to others, I would have felt the desire to be with someone, in love, engaged. I’m certain that I would have said many negative things to myself like: “I have not found the love of my life”, ‘I”m not getting married yet but my friends are”, “I attend to weddings alone”. I would actually blame myself so much that I would ended up questioning my appearance and my personality.
The craziest thing is that I would have ignored myself all along and I wouldn’t have been capable of transforming a beautiful moment, like the pinkish sunset, into sad thoughts. I was certainly putting a lot of pressure on me because I used to think that the pursuit of happiness was about ticking checkboxes. Of course I was never going to be fulfilled like that. I had entered a cycle of trying to have it all, to succeed in every way instead of simply realizing how great life has been and still is. Eventually, I understood that what truly matters is self love, happiness and being in peace.
During these wedding times, some of my dear friends and family tell me kindly that one day it will be me. That one day I will find “the one” (whatever that’s supposed to mean). I guess they try to reassure me but I am not even worried about it. I am fully neutral with the marriage idea, I am not waiting for it but I am not against it. The truth is that I do not know what can happen, all I know is that I am already happy with my life and I am looking forward for life to get better (single or married).
Thank goodness, my ex and I broke-up two years ago. Thanks to him I am a different person and a big part of how I am today. I understood that I come first, that I am enough, that I am pretty and that my life and my body should never be compared to someone else’s. But most importantly I am proud to say that I became a feminist thanks to him!
Nevertheless, I still wish to all my friends that have got married (or that are planning to do so) the best in this world and for their relationships to be filled with love and respect. I am just tired that we make it sound as it is THE achievement in life when there is so much more as well. It even bothers me that there are so many girls and women feeling stressed, sad or even depressed if they feel they are not checking that from their list. Remember, wellbeing is in the head, not on your Facebook status or your Instagram posts. (Even though I still love Instagram).
Today I have no stress in getting married, nor in buying a house, nor in having children or finding the love of my life. My only concern is to keep being happy with myself, to keep loving my body and who I am. I also want to keep my friends and family close in my life. I want to make plans, to plan trips, to meet more amazing people and to grow internally. I want to be in silence and keep having moments by my own. Finally, I want to keep finding myself and to fight the patriarchy.
Just as I used to think that sunsets were nostalgic, I also used to think that being single was sad. Now I think that being single is not the end of the world but rather pretty cool. I also know that being alone does not mean feeling lonely. Today, I know that being in a relationship is not a synonym of feeling happy. Today, I believe that sunsets are impressively beautiful and a nice gift from the sky. I know that full moons only appear once in a while and that is what makes them special. I know that love comes in many forms but that one of best is self love.
Dear readers: men or women, old or young, single, engaged, married, divorce, gay or straight. Remember that your relationship status will not represent who you are and who you will become. Love, love in all its forms and appreciate them all equally: friendships, family, lovers, your own self love. Stop looking for happily ever afters because love and happiness are not assured together by default. Although, you can be the main character of how much love you give, so never be scared of loving. Appreciate what you have everyday, be grateful. Know how much you are worth so that a status, physical appearance, a person or any other unimportant expectations from society will not put you down.
This article is for all those women, feeling incomplete. Whether you are single, married, or divorce know that it is only you who create your daily dose of happiness. Remember, it is better to be single than in a relationship with the wrong person. It is better to get married later or not at all than with someone that you know it is not good for you. It is better to sleep in peace each night and have the bed for yourself than to fall asleep next to someone crying until you are out. I have not found the recipe of success or love but my experiences as an expat, as a woman with a healed heart, as a traveler and as a feminist have shown me the way to love, to be loved and to be in peace. And if you don’t believe you are worth it yet, it will come but know that I already believe in you. <3