‘Acceptance‘ is a powerful word in the yogi world and a hard one in our everyday lives. To be honest, acceptance has always been hard for me since I am the type of person who likes to be in control. Until 2020 arrived and challenged me on that one. Like never before, this year has thrown to my face some hard moments and the only way to get through them was by accepting it.
We will get started with something everyone else has gone through this year: lockdown. Later, I will tell you about my physical accident, a severe twisted ankle, and last but not least about my breakup.
It is March 2020. Lockdown starts in France. Twenty-four hours before, I start getting anxious. Really anxious. I cried, I felt a pressure on my chest, my head wondered badly about the future. I was extremely sensitive and felt that I was about to be incarcerated at home.
I felt as if someone took my liberty away and that the only time I was free was when I could go out (for groceries or to see my ex). I couldn’t even enjoy being out because I was scared of catching the virus. So to sum up, every situation was stressing me out and I would end up crying for one reason or another.
After three months of being like that I was exhausted. I could not believe (nor accept) that we were living what we were living. I felt time was going by super slow but at the same time super fast.
All of a sudden it was May and lockdown was over. I felt lucky that it was over an even more that my relationship had survived (even though it did not survive afterwards). Spring was coming, the nice weather and the sun were back, so my ex I decided it to enjoy freedom by going out for a run. We were half way when suddenly I felt that I flew in the air and then fell on my tummy. My right ankle twisted badly and my left knee had blood.
The next day, I could barely walk and my ankle was extremely swollen. A doctor came home and suggested to do an eco and x-rays. The result was a severe twisted ankle. I had to see a traumatologist and start physiotherapy.
While I was in my second or third session, my physiotherapist realized I lost mobility on my big toe and part of my ankle. She suggested me to go see a neurologist. I did. Turns out I lost 90% of my nerf. We never knew if that is the reason why I fell or if due to the fall my nerf was impacted. One way or another, the doctor told me to continue the physiotherapy and to be careful because at any moment I could trip and break my ankle.
So there I was, again at home after months of being there during lockdown. I was having a really hard time walking, going up and down the stairs, and not being able to do any sort of exercise including yoga or even walking. I was doing everything but accepting my situation.
I felt that 2020 was taking everything away from me, starting with my own freedom. I felt I was going crazy. I never experienced before “a disability” and since I could not even really walk I felt a bit dependent on people.
The first months of recovery I barely saw any improvements with my ankle and my mobility. My dad, who is a retired doctor, told me: “You have to be patient. That is why we call patients patients. So just be patient. It will come back eventually and keep doing your physiotherapy.”
He was right.
Turns out that after months of struggling to walk, one day in August, I came back from a wedding and my toe and ankle had almost fully recovered. Just like that and all of a sudden. I wondered if it was the fact that I danced and laughed so much that weekend. Or perhaps it was just that after a long time I let it all go and enjoyed the present.
Now it has been a bit over six months since I twisted my ankle and I have improved a lot. Most of my mobility and strength are back. I was allowed to start yoga two months ago and this week I have been allowed to start running.
Yoga reminded me the power of words and the importance of accepting. Combined, I realized that acceptance is a powerful word that allows us to flow in spite of anything.
Even though life had shown me, through my ankle, that time cures everything, I still did not learn the lesson yet. That is until my boyfriend broke up with me in August 2020. I will tell you more about it on the next article but the point is that it took me some days to accept that we were broken up. Some may say it is part of the breaking up process. I guess I will never know…
Weeks passed by and I thought I was over him but I guess it was just my ego that tried to keep me going. Until a couple of months ago, when I realized that I had not healed yet because I was not ACCEPTING the breakup. All this time I was trying to be strong and that was my ego talking. So I finally authorized myself to weep, to feel, to suffer even a bit. After a couple of gloomy days I had finally accepted it and I could even see things clear. My heart had healed and my brain let it go, making me so glad that we were not together anymore. I understood that our relationship was never going to work and it was not until I accepted it that I saw that.
So there you have some examples of things I have been through in 2020. My biggest lesson is that acceptance is a powerful word. Do not forget, in order to get over something or someone, one must start by accepting the situation and after a while, with time and patience, everything is ok. Do not forget, what seems like the worst brings along a lesson to learn.
This article is for all those women who faced physical, emotional or mental challenges in 2020 and whom like me with time and patience found acceptance. I also dedicate this to all men and women who are still on the round of self love, specially during this particular moment in the world. Know that I admire you. Last but not least, I want to thank Cyril, my yoga teacher, who made me realize that acceptance is a powerful word. Namaste. 🙏